Crackers in Bed

Sometimes, words are not enough. As I watched the following video, I was brought to tears at the simple majesty of the spectacle. Please share a moment to witness absolute beauty.

Learning to crochet was not difficult for me…once I got over my fear of failure and realized that it was NOT rocket science. Although, I must admit, that my initial struggle with a crochet pattern prompted me to wish for some sort of Rosetta Stone to translate the gibberish. But, before long, it began to make sense. That which made no sense one day became a matter of course the next. I dare say that now there is nothing I will not tackle. I’m not saying that I enjoy every stitch in every pattern I crochet (I ABHOR hdc!!!!!!), but I’ve yet to find an instruction I could not follow.

Now, I am not a boastful person and my reflection here is not to inflate my worth on the planet. I simply want to illustrate that, against many odds, I learned to do something that I always believed was beyond my grasp. I have become proficient in a craft my mother was reluctant to share with me. I regret she did not live long enough to see my work. But, perhaps, it is just as well. She was a woman of her time when gender identities were strong and intransigent. Perhaps, it is just as well.

Because the vast majority of crocheters are women, most of the apparel patterns available are for women. Most designers and publishers cater to the obvious majority. Many of the new subscribers to the Men Who Crochet Yahoo group tell me, with their request to join the group, that they are looking for patterns for men or that they are interested in finding out what men want to crochet for themselves or others. Since some of our members are designers, I find this to be an encouraging sign of good things to come.

I belong to a number of crochet groups online. As a matter of habit, many of the listers start their posts with “hello ladies”, or some such salutation. I used to be offended and express my outrage at being overlooked and excluded. I would contend that it was not a major imposition to expect folks to think before they wrote in order to be inclusive. Well, I have given up that fight. I have been flamed into submission. I will rest, convinced that such things will never change as long as crochet is regarded as “women’s work”. I will instead concentrate my energies on enlisting more and more men to join us happy hookers. It is only when more men are visible and vocal that we will be regarded among the many. We don’t want to take over, y’all. We just want to be one of you.

Since  last I wrote, I have endured another birthday. Actually, I acknowledged the 37th anniversary of my 21st birthday (you can do the math!) In my mind I am still 35; my body says otherwise.  Oy, the aches and pains. Whoever said that grower older was a graceful process?  My body is conducting warfare on itself!

Oh well. I guess another birthday is a small price to pay considering the ultimate alternative. Now, where is my Geritol?

In belated celebration of the fateful (or, should I say birth) day, let me share with you a few chuckles which recently arrived in my inbox.

It’s been fun being a baby boomer… until now.  Some artists are revising their hits of the past with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:

They include:

Herman’s Hermits — Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr — I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees — How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

Bobby Darin — Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash

Roberta Flack — The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash — I Can’t See Clearly Now!

Paul Simon — Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores — Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye — Heard It Through the Grape Nuts

Procol Harem — A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer — You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations — Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone

Abba — Denture Queen

Tony Orlando — Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy — I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore — It’s My Procedure, and I’ll Cry If I Want Too!

And my favorite:

Willie Nelson — On the Commode Again

I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane. Oops. If you are as old as I, maybe I shouldn’t have said trip!

To keep this stitch related, I’m happy to share that I received, as a birthday gift, a set of Clover Soft Touch Hooks, C thru J (thanks, Anita). What a godsend for these arthritic fingers of mine.

Sweater update:  The sizing of the large sizes of the Basket Weave Pullover has become problematic, but I promise to have everything complete presently. My apologies to those of you who have pre-purchased the pattern. I’ll have it in your hands as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience.

The Basket Weave Pullover in Men’s sizes XL-5XL will be available no later than Friday, June 6 (my birthday! Yippee!). Any one who pre-orders before June 6 may do so at the special price of $4.50. My apologies for the delay to all those who have been waiting. Please access this special page to receive the discounted price. The pattern will be delivered on 6/6.

Whether attributed to Plato, Persius Flaccus, Jonathan Swift or Victor Hugo, it can truly be said that “Mater artius necessitas” … “necessity is the Mother of Invention”. I have often been asked what inspires me to design. Exactly what, others have inquired, generates my creativity in crochet. Essentially, if I know what I need is lacking, I attempt to fill the void.

Let me explain. Years and years ago, my mother had a pattern for a hooded scarf. Some months before she died, she gave a hooded scarf to a good friend of mine who cherished it because it was just what my friend had been looking for and because it was made by my mother, whom she admired greatly. Some years later, my friend moved from San Francisco to Reno (where her own mother had died). Somewhere between here and there, the moving van carrying all her possessions was hijacked and Toni was left with nothing. Among the items she missed most was that hooded scarf made by my mother.

Fast forward fifteen years. After promising myself over and over again to find someone to teach me to crochet, I finally put nose to grindstone and taught myself. After I felt reasonably comfortable with my abilities, I set about to find a pattern for a hooded scarf. Some of you may remember that I asked the members of one of my online groups regarding such a pattern. I searched the internet. Anything I found just didn’t resemble what my mother had produced. So … Mater artius necessitas … I designed one myself. Trail and error, guess and estimate; I finally was able to produce that hooded scarf I remembered and the first one I made I sent to Toni.

Shortly after I offered the pattern for sale, I received a request for a child’s hooded scarf. Well, Miss Scarlett, I don’t know nothin’ ’bout children’s sizes! So I procrastinated, though my requester persisted. Finally, I determined that I could do this and in 24 hours produced a new pattern.

Similarly, the dearth of men’s patterns has set me about to design a men’s sweater, which after a number of reincarnations, became the Gatsby Sweater and was published last year in the Son of Stitch ‘n Bitch volume by Debbie Stoller.

Many other projects evolved from seeing a need or responding to a request and many many more are the product of my rather eclectic imagination. I have this affinity with the unusual, the untenable, the impossible. But if it can be done, I aim to get it done. Why do I design? Because you have asked me to.

Oh the horror! I have a deep, dark, ugly little secret. It is so despicable
that I can hardly bear to think of it. Yet, the time has come for me to come
clean. My very sanity requires that I share with you this insidious mark on
my soul. OK. I’m ready. Please make sure you are securely seated. Here goes.

I HATE THE HDC. There. It’s done. I can breathe again. Now you all know and I
can now explain. Because of the way I hold my hook and my particular
tension, I cannot complete the stitch in one motion. Rather than pulling
through all three loops, I must pull through two, adjust my hook, then pull
through the remaining loop. I like to crochet swiftly and seamlessly but the
hdc frustrates my movement. I tell you! When I find a pattern to which I am
otherwise attracted, if there are hdcs contained within, I move on. Really!
But wouldn’t you know that only this morning, to adjust a 12″ square pattern
to gauge, I had to employ a round of hdc? I broke out in a sweat. Would I
survive the ordeal? I gritted my teeth and looked askance at this
unfortunate project. But it is done. NEVER AGAIN!

I hope you all will not hold this pecadillo against me. I beg your
understanding and ask your forgiveness. I know have erred.

I HATE THE HALF DOUBLE CROCHET STITCH.

Your humble servant,

Peter Franzi

Clarification: I actually wrote the above over 3 years ago, before I began my designing career. I have since negotiated a truce with the hdc and use it extensively in my work. BUT I STILL HATE IT!!! 

That’s about it, I guess. You can find the pattern, and all my patterns, for sale at Hookerbear Creations.

Men’s sizes XS-L (finished chest 36-48)

It is currently 5:00 pm and the thermometer is registering 86° F. This may not seem unusual or astounding in your neck of the woods, but in my little corner of the universe, about 10 miles due east of the Golden Gate along the shores of San Francisco Bay, it’s hot at hell. You must realize that we are accustomed to the influence of the cold Pacific Ocean on our weather. Overcast, or fog, or what the meteorologists call the marine layer keeps us rather cool throughout the spring and summer months. On the few days each year when the temperature climbs to over 75°, thanks to off shore breezes from the Central Valley or even the Great Basin, we bake and we broil. Air conditioning is a rarity here; it’s seldom needed and hardly worth the cost. Fully half of my half of this house I share was originally added as a sun room…windows on three sides (filling half the height of the walls), no insulation and, (are you ready for this?) a southern exposure. I shall sleep fitfully tonight.

However…My afternoon excursion to my favorite market, Berkeley Bowl (I’ll take you there when you visit!), yielded a most unexpected delight. I have found Nirvana in the the form of Green Tea Gelato with White Chocolate chucks. I meant to only have a few swallows to cool down the insides. Oops. The pint is gone. I guess I’ll have to go back tomorrow. Darn.

Mother’s Day is always hard - and Christmas and her birthday and any other day we shared in a special way. She was my age now when she died. At the time, 58 seemed old enough, but not old enough to die. She left so many questions unanswered and sentiments unexpressed. The last time we spoke, we argued. I was being the opinionated (slightly spoiled) college graduate and she the world-wise matriarch of our fractured, typically dysfunctional, clan. In those days, I was always right, even when I was wrong. She always humored me: she never assumed the I-told-you-so attitude when was rightfully hers when I would eventually come to my senses and realize that a diploma did not make me smarter than she. This time, again, she was right, of course, but before enough time passed to allow the heat of the argument to cool, she was gone.

Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries come and go and I celebrate with the misgiving that she died with my disrespect still in her heart. That will never change. The pain has eased to ache, but regret remains. I know I have her forgiveness. I still cannot forgive myself. That will come in time.

Happy Mother’s Day to mothers young and old.

I recently purchased the most amazing book, The Complete Book of Crochet Stitch Designs: 500 Classic & Original Patterns by Linda P Schapper. The are so many wondefrul and beautiful stitch patterns contained in this volume. I enthusiastically recommend this book. It is an invaluable addition to anyone’s crochet library.

I have been searching for an interesting stitch pattern to use for a woman’s summer top. Rather than the usual pullover or cardigan style I think I want to do some sort of cover-up…you know what I mean. Something to wear over a bathing suit whilst lounging about the pool. Is there a name for this garment? Inquiring minds want to know. Anyway….below is the stitch pattern I have chosen. When I showed it to my friend Cay, her response was an immediate “That’s so YOU!” I guess she’s right. If all goes well this whatever-it’s-called garment will appear in an unnamed crochet magazine next year; you know..the same unnamed magazine that’s publishing my scarf pattern. Fingers crossed. I’m emailing the swatch and schematics next week.

PS Is there a graphic artist in our midst who’d like to do a trade…your handiwork for mine?