A man comes into the ER and yells “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and he’s in the wrong one.

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A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” instructed the nurse. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both, ” I requested. There was silence. He said he couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

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A nurses’ aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, “You’re not coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater!”

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During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?”, asked the doctor. “The patch.” The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see….Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she answered, “Why not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive.”

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And of course, the best is saved for last…. A nurse caring for a woman from Tennessee asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. The nurse asked to see thejelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

in the current issue of Crochet! Magazine is quite a hit and I have been receiving compliments since the beginning of the weekend. Despite the apparent bravado, I am really quite humbled at the reaction and am thankful that, finally, this may be my big break. Time will tell,  but I feel optimistic.

But, then I get a call from my lawyer with the bleak news  that, in its current statis, my disability appeal is probably not winable. It seems that, had I made my living as a jackhammer operator, given the current condition of my health, I would have no problem with my application for disability. But, because my work experience has been sedentary, I cannot be deemed 100% disabled and therefore would most likely be denied once again. It seems that my doctor has a reputation of non-cooperation  is the disability process. That does not surprise me. I get the distinct impression that he has his own agenda when treating me, seldom listens to what I have to say and never writes anything down…documentation that is critical in this whole process.

My current insurance expires at the end of the month. Before re-applying, I will be changing doctors. I still may srtuggle with the disability appeal,  but I need a physician who works with me, not against me.

So, on a day when I should be elated, I am a bit disheartened. To make things worse, I can’t seem to finish any of my design projects. I have three patterns waiting to be written and another on the hook, begging to be completed. But, I have no will right now.  I don’t even want to go to my S&B this evening. I don’t think I’d be very good company. Maybe today is the day to just do nothing and not beat myself up over it. Tomorrow is another day.

]]> http://www.hooker-bear.com/blog/2008/11/18/a-strange-day/feed/ http://www.hooker-bear.com/blog/2008/10/14/shimmering-shells/ http://www.hooker-bear.com/blog/2008/10/14/shimmering-shells/#comments Tue, 14 Oct 2008 19:31:31 +0000 Peter Franzi http://www.hooker-bear.com/blog/?p=100

I have completed work on the women’s top design.

(Click on photo for larger image)

This is the project on which I am using the custom, hand-dyed wool/silk fingering weight yarn. Well, not actually fingering. In reality, I used a double strand of lace weight. NOT RECOMMENDED!!! But, in the end, it was equivalent to fingering. I REALLY love this yarn and I recommend that you check out the website, Machine Knitting to Dye For. The owner, Nancy Roberts, is an incredible artisan. I visited her studio in nearby Albany when I chose the fiber and colors for my yarn. She employs an unusual process for dying the  yarn. Well, check out the website. She explains it all much better than I can. The pattern will be avaiable in sizes XS-L within a week, or so. I will consider doing plus sizes in there is an interest. Let me know.

Next on my plate is to finish the other top I have been working on in cotton fingering. This will be offered first in plus sizes, smaller sizes to follow as I have time. I have to make  major revisions to the Basket Weave Pullover Vest, so I may still be a few weeks more getting that off my hook. I’ll let you know.

These words do not come easily. It has become apparent to me that I must make drastic sacrifices in my life if I am to survive financially. Despite my best efforts, pattern sales have not been good,  payment for classes and goods have not been forthcoming in a timely manner, and, still, the bills pour in. My 3rd appeal for disability is still hanging in the air.  It has come to the point where, after only the barest of necessities have been sustained, there is simply nothing left.

Barring a miraculous inflow of funds in the next few days, I will be forced to suspend my telephone land line, my cell phone and my internet connection. My website will remain online, but I will not have ready access to it.  In the meantime, I will be reconsidering my current living situation. With any luck, this situation is extremely temporary, though I am not hopeful, at this point.

I have always tried to include a bit of myself in my posting, but I never imagined having to share with you such intimate details of my life.  Still, you have supported me all along the way.  I didn’t want to disappear without explanation.  I thank you all for your kind words and encouragement for my work. I will keep working, as I am able. I will find a way to let you know when there is news of my life.

Cheers.

Peter

Still on my hooks are the Basket Weave Vest, the women’s top in that interesting stitch pattern I shared with you a few weeks ago and, most recently, another women’s top done in some fabulous yarn I was able to acquire through happy circumstance.

A few weeks ago, while attending a local S&B, I met a woman, Nancy Roberts, who owns a yarn dyeing and machine knitting business, Machine Knitting to Dye for. She cleverly has devised a procedure whereby she machine knits undyed yarn into long swatches of fabric, then dyes the fabric. The effect is a colorway with longer incidences of each color than one usually finds in an ombre or variegated yarn. She mentioned to me, the only crocheter in the group, that she had always wondered how her yarn would look in a crocheted design. I, of course, volunteered to alleviate her wonder. To make a long story short, I was invited to her studio to choose my yarn and my colors that very week. I found a lushious silk/wool blend in lace weight which took my breath away. I poured over her color sample books until I stopped on a gorgeous colorway of golds and browns. This yarn is so pretty. Take a look for yourself.

The image really doesn’t adequately capture the subtlety of color changes in the fabric. I am stitching a double strand of this lace weight yarn with a D hook. This may take a while to complete, but I think it may well be worth the wait.

Sale

I am in the process of a complete redesign of my web site. This will take some time :-)In the meantime, all patterns are half price until the end of the year. The paypal code has been modified to reflect the reduced prices. While I still plan to make the 2007-2008 patterns available, they will be archived to make room for lots of new goodies.
Hookerbear Creations

Support your friendly hooker. Buy a pattern…or two!

40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup. It’s just not safe.
30. Wrasslin’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Who’s Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin’ tonight.

While the basket weave pattern itself hasn’t changed…of the many I have found, the one used in the pullover and the hoodie works best for me… I have altered the sequence so as to center the pattern to accommodate a v-neck. So I started over again and 3 rows in I was still bored. What can I do?  Let’s really shake it up, this time.

Rather than working the ribbing separately from the body, the vest begins with ribbing…with a twist. Rather than standard vertical ribbing, the vest will use horizontal ribbing. The feature will be continued on the shoulder edging and along the v-neck.  So, I began again.  I started with the back, worked my ribbing with a G hook and changed to a H as I continued working the body. I got maybe 7 rows done and I realized I needed to do this completely differently.

Th vest will be worked in the round ..in ONE piece..hooray!!!…beginning with the horizontal ribbing, on up through the body until neck and shoulder shaping will necessitate working front and back with separate yarn attachments. BUT…the only sewing required will be to attached at the shoulders.

So now I have begun in earnest. Working in the round, I have completed 9 rows of horizontal ribbing and have worked three rows of the basket weave pattern. So far, so good. My only concern is the joining point of the rows, but vigilant care should keep that from being messy. The v-neck is going to be a challenge, but, to my mind, is necessary for the vest. I don’t think a crew neck really works.

My plan is to  keep you  updated on the design process. While I am fairly certain of the direction I will follow, the exact execution is subject to trial and error. I can see the garment in my mind; God willing, my hands will achieve the goal.

As I start the process of designing this vest, I am entering foreign territory. Won’t you journey with me?